The importance of discussing funeral wishes: A Celebrant’s Perspective
When it comes to funerals, there are so many options available to people now. At one time, it was basically burial or cremation with either a religious or secular service. Whilst it’s still true that some people will go for a fairly traditional ceremony at a church, cemetery or crematorium, there are a huge variety of choices and it’s so important to create something that’s meaningful.
Local funeral celebrant, William (Bill) Blow has spoken to us for Dying Matters Week (6th-12th May 2024), to let us know more about funerals and the role of the celebrant.
Bills Funeral Celebrant Advice
Bill is a big fan of the increasing numbers of people that are opting for eco-friendly natural burials in woodland sites. He says that he also loves the growth in living funerals, typically for those nearing end of life, where people can actually be present, hear the wonderful things said about them and say their farewells in an appropriate way.
Bill is based in Worcester, and he creates and leads bespoke ceremonies that help people celebrate and commemorate the major milestones of life. The main ones are naming ceremonies for children, vow renewals and, of course, funerals & memorial services.
Funerals can be personalised to reflect the life and personality of the person who has died in a way that honours their memory and helps those left behind on their journey through bereavement and grief.
Bill says that many people are opting for direct cremation with no ceremony as they think that it’s less of a burden on those left behind. He says “Whilst I can appreciate that there are real cost benefits to this, I do find this trend a little concerning as it deprives those left behind of a meaningful opportunity to say goodbye. Having said that, a simple cremation can be followed by a memorial in any chosen venue.”
A good funeral done well can really help with the grief process. The Good Grief Guide has lots of useful information at Funerals – The Good Grief Trust
According to research carried out by Hospice UK, only one in three people have talked to those close to them about whether they want to be buried or cremated. Even fewer have discussed other funeral elements, like music choices or who they would want to speak at the ceremony. This could be because people don’t want to upset family or friends; because of a fear that talking about death makes it happen; or because these questions don’t seem relevant to us right now. We also might not know what our options are or where to go to find out more. Most people know the benefits of making a will to put their affairs in order, so why not make life easier for those left behind by having open conversations about funeral wishes now. Many funeral celebrants will work with people to talk through, plan and record their wishes in advance. There are also some great resources available from The Good Grief Trust (www.thegoodgrieftrust.org) and The Good Funeral Guide (www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk).
Bill says “I don’t find too many misconceptions about what I do – although a couple of times people have asked what I do and when I’ve told them that I’m a celebrant, they’ve replied in a puzzled way, “you’re celibate?””
He does still regularly meet people who have no idea what a celebrant does, which he loves as it’s a chance to explain – it’s a bit like writing on a totally blank piece of paper!
So this is as good a time as any to discuss your own funeral wishes. It doesn’t mean that you’re bringing the inevitable closer – it just means that those who are left behind can carry out your wishes, knowing that it is what you would have wanted.
Let’s open the discussion about death and dying – today.
