Discussing Funeral Wishes: A Funeral Director’s Perspective

One size doesn’t fit all – in any aspect of life or death. We believe that to be true of care at home, and our guest bloggers, Jackson’s Family Funeral Directors say that it’s not true of funerals either – that although people expect there to be a hearse taking the coffin to a church or crematorium, followed by a limousine carrying immediate family members, there is absolutely no obligation for this to be the case.

Amie Cook, a Local Funeral Director, Advice

Amie Cook is a funeral director at Jacksons, and she says that “no two funerals are the same and we believe that they shouldn’t be. Everything at Jackson’s is tailored to a special family and to their person who has passed away. This year, in Dying Matters Awareness Week, I really hope to make families aware that funerals can involve a real celebration of life, including laughter and smiling, so that their loved one can be honoured with their very special last request.“

Amie’s advice to anyone who hasn’t already planned their funeral is “please do. “

This does not mean that you have to book your funeral now or pay for it upfront. It means that this is something that can be discussed and detailed as part of an ongoing conversation. It could be a simple meeting with your family, or just jotting down your choices, chatting with your chosen funeral director to go through some of your wishes. If people want to pay in advance, they can. Either way, talking about different options can be useful, so when the time does come your family has an indication of what you are wanting – so they fulfil your wishes once you’ve passed away.

Amie is one of a growing number of females involved in the funeral industry – an industry which is still heavily considered to be male dominated – but the truth is that there are now female Funeral Directors, female pall bearers and female on call staff too.

Jackson Family Funeral Directors offer a broad variety of funerals, from a direct cremation or burial – undertaking both attended and non-attended service – to sunrise and sunset funerals, incorporating a variety of different vehicle options: from their informal style of funeral to a traditional service, a horse drawn hearse… and everything in between. As the family wishes, they will ensure the clients’ needs are met.

Amie says that many people believe that funeral directors are sombre and dour. Yet, we are just human beings who care greatly about our role and happen to do a job that people rarely talk about. That said, we are – of course – hugely respectful of the role we play in the death of a loved one and their families, so maybe that’s why we’re often seen as sombre.

For anyone who is bereaved it is important to speak to a funeral director to see what they can offer you as a family. We’re here to help and support you. Let your chosen funeral director know what your loved one enjoyed, so they can incorporate their wishes into the funeral, this extends to favourite colours, football teams supported, etc.

Amie says “At a funeral, we have one chance to get it right, so I think it is important to include the wishes and characteristics of the person who has died, to ensure we are giving them a send-off they deserve and/or what they have asked for. This year, in Dying Matters Awareness Week, I would love to encourage everyone to move away from death being a taboo word.”

 Have you spoken about your funeral wishes yet? Are they recorded anywhere?